electric_rhino

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electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Sat Aug 21, 2010 9:09 am

Well, this is LOVE. I love you or so I tried to make it love.
This is a poem that started as pure love, but the more I wrote, the more that started to took the form of a relationship. So I tried to make a poem from the whole thing, the begginin' of a relationship, and the end.

I hope you guys like it.

My heart has been ripped to shreds,
I can’t even recognize the person once I were.
I want to cry, scream and shout.
I want to punch a wall and tear the world down.

Be a tyrant, a warrior and a child,
Be your freedom, your peace and your smile.

And now that you're gone, the night has become a waste of my everlasting youth.
Even thought the stars sat on the sky to tell me it's alright,
The sun sets in on the morning to blew them out of the sight

But I start to built my wall once again
As I lay down on my bed and a tear runs down my face,
And I pray to god to take away this pain
As I see stranged my world, my family and my friends.

You became darkness and I became a star
You were sunshine and I swept away the clouds
You were lost and I were a map
You needed love and I pour away my heart

Is it true that love is not really happiness?,
That it’s trusting, pain and sadness.
Well, my love is supposed to give and never cry,
My love is yours and never dies.

Sometimes you fall so hard you can’t even see the ground,
So hard that you’re helpless and so out of breath you almost drowned.
But when you hit the ground, and the despair sets in,
Was the falling just a journey and the astound the destiny?

Love is serenity and peace
It’s kicking the pride, to where selfishness is.
Love is not only welfare,
Love is a mix of work, joy and sweat

I am through with the fights, the shame and remorse
I can’t live out of pity, fright and regret, I need more
My mind is setting free and the compassion comes back to me
The relief is getting’ lighter and I just don’t feel the grief.

Smile, sing and shout,
Hug, kiss and laugh.
My heart is jumping and my brain is holding my head high,
this is for givin' my heart without a regret,
this is for the times for you I've cried.
Like a Star @ heaven
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by mimi on Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:24 am

Be a tyrant, a warrior and a child,
Be your freedom, your peace and your smile. - GENIUS!

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Natt on Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:59 am

electric_rhino wrote:Love is serenity and peace
It’s kicking the pride, to where selfishness is.
Love is not only welfare,
Love is a mix of work, joy and sweat

this is my favorite part
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Krissy on Sat Aug 21, 2010 1:22 pm

wow! very nice..

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:55 pm

awwww, I'm so glad you all like it! Smile
I work a whole day on this. I was in school and I was writin' sentences, I was on the bus and I was writing, I even woke up on the middle of the nite.
so, thanks.

well, my favo part is this one:
And now that you're gone, the night has become a waste of my everlasting youth.
Even thought the stars sat on the sky to tell me it's alright,
The sun sets in on the morning to blew them out of the sight
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by pixiedust19 on Sat Aug 21, 2010 9:16 pm

its beautiful(:
i loved it Very Happy

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:03 pm

thank you c:
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by TheLastSongbird on Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:26 am

This is beautiful! I can see the amount of work, thought and heart you put into this. I have a feeling that there's going to be a lot of tough competition Very Happy

You became darkness and I became a star
You were sunshine and I swept away the clouds
You were lost and I were a map
You needed love and I pour away my heart

This part echoed something in my own heart...I can't quite explain how or why. It's one thing to write a poem, but it's another thing entirely for a reader to feel what you've written about. You really have a talent for this Smile

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:51 am

TheLastSongbird wrote:This is beautiful! I can see the amount of work, thought and heart you put into this. I have a feeling that there's going to be a lot of tough competition Very Happy

You became darkness and I became a star
You were sunshine and I swept away the clouds
You were lost and I were a map
You needed love and I pour away my heart

This part echoed something in my own heart...I can't quite explain how or why. It's one thing to write a poem, but it's another thing entirely for a reader to feel what you've written about. You really have a talent for this Smile

thank you again. Very Happy
that part is pure love I think.
It's when you give and do anything for a person.

You know, thank you all. Even if I don't win, you guys liking my poem makes me feel like, mmm, IDK, really good.
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by YetiMoonchild on Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:48 pm

Oh my.. that was wonderful!
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Guest on Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:38 am

omg you are very amazing ....just really love it..another best one you wrote!!

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by PROUDLIKECOW on Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:40 pm

electric_rhino wrote:Was the falling just a journey and the astound the destiny?
I love this part! I can't find the right words to describe how awesome this poem is, so I'll stop trying!
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:56 pm

thank you, thank you, thank you.
I feel so happy right now Smile
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Krissy on Wed Aug 25, 2010 6:47 am

Think the judges will have a hard time picking the winner!

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Guest on Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:58 am

That's pretty good work..hope you win..Goodluck.

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Thu Aug 26, 2010 11:11 pm

thank you guys.
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Iridescent_Revival_<3 on Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:40 pm

so much emotion and so easy to relate to! it's like there's a little bit for every individual to understand. this really is what makes an amazing poem. whether you win or lose, congratulations on giving so many people a sense of connection with love Smile good luck <33333
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Sun Aug 29, 2010 2:11 pm

Thank you, I accomplished what I wanted with this poem, everyone is so cool.
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by cg360 on Mon Aug 30, 2010 3:27 pm

This is the sort of thing that makes me want everyone to win. But everyone can't. This is beautiful; it comes through that you really do believe in yourself and that you don't care what other people think. Very nice Smile

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Guest on Tue Aug 31, 2010 10:11 am

electric_rhino wrote:Love is serenity and peace
It’s kicking the pride, to where selfishness is.
This is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard someone say. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful poem
I love you

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Wed Sep 01, 2010 9:05 am

Royal-Sweetness wrote:
electric_rhino wrote:Love is serenity and peace
It’s kicking the pride, to where selfishness is.
This is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard someone say. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful poem
I love you

thank you.
Yours was amazing I love you
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Nânâ on Wed Sep 08, 2010 3:21 am

till now, this is the best one I've read =)
good luck =)
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Krissy on Wed Sep 08, 2010 5:38 am

goodluck

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Wed Sep 08, 2010 8:49 am

Nânâ wrote:till now, this is the best one I've read =)
good luck =)

thank you.
It means a lot coming from one of the best artist here Smile
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by TheBlueJayStar on Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:07 pm

You became darkness and I became a star
You were sunshine and I swept away the clouds
You were lost and I were a map
You needed love and I pour away my heart

that's really beautiful. i love it!
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Loveisalwaysthere! on Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:10 pm

i wish you luck Smile it so awsome.....feel like i have no chance X3 Laughing
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:53 am

TheBlueJayStar wrote:
You became darkness and I became a star
You were sunshine and I swept away the clouds
You were lost and I were a map
You needed love and I pour away my heart

that's really beautiful. i love it!

thank you, I really feel like that sometimes.
Like I give too much, but I never regret it so, blahh! Razz
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:54 am

Loveisalwaysthere! wrote:i wish you luck Smile it so awsome.....feel like i have no chance X3 Laughing

thank you, good luck to you too.
Yours it's beautiful, you definitely have a chance!
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Loveisalwaysthere! on Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:37 am

thanks Laughing i love yours!!
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by mimi on Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:37 am

did u send in your cover letter?
because i remember u asking if you could send it in later on.

just reminding you that if its not in by the 17th, u wont be count!

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Re: electric_rhino

Post by Loveisalwaysthere! on Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:41 am

yeah that would suck if you didnt send in the cover letter D: D: this is really good!
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Re: electric_rhino

Post by electric_rhino on Thu Sep 16, 2010 3:22 am

I've send it once again. Please let me know if you got it this time c:
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