Advice?

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Advice?

Post by PoeticAbomination(: on Wed Jul 06, 2011 8:11 pm

Fellow Moonchildren, I thought it would be cool/fun/helpful to open a forum for advice. I, myself, need some BIG advice on a very touchy topic..:/

So I like this girl....and she likes me. (Keep in mind I am also female) We have been best friends for a really long time and I finally pulled myself together long enough to tell her, and ut turns out she likes me back? After a really long time of deliberation with myself, I decided to take it to the next level. I asked her out. She said yes, and we're happy C: We write letters to eachother almost daily, and we have for as long as I can remember. We also talk on the phone for 2-3 hours daily too. I made the STUPID mistake of leaving a letter where my mom could read it. She found out and I got in big trouble! She said that I am not old enough to have a girlfriend and BLAH BLAH BLAH. But I need Anissa. She is my life, my heart, my, my, everything! But my mom says that I can't talk to her and the usual stuff like that, but I CANNOT live without her! What do I do? Listen to my mom, or listen to my heart? Please help. :/
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Re: Advice?

Post by catloafwithpotato on Wed Jul 06, 2011 8:19 pm

Ooh, that's rough. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? Because you look very young in your photos. Maybe your mom just needs to get used to the idea of you dating anyone? Or was it because you're dating a girl?
I hope you're just being dramatic with the "cannot live without her part", but I hope that's never true for anyone, because that's more obsession than love. Smile
On the one hand, you have to listen to your mom because you're under her roof. On the other hand, I couldn't say I'd never lied to my mom (but she was very controlling and weird) but that's kind of a grey area and can get you into a worse situation. Embarassed
Maybe we need more details?
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Re: Advice?

Post by Guest on Wed Jul 06, 2011 8:21 pm

Hmmm... why is your mom upset? Would she react the same if Anissa was a boy? If your dad is in the picture, what does he think?

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Re: Advice?

Post by PoeticAbomination(: on Wed Jul 06, 2011 8:28 pm

My dad isn't. He is a lowlife. But I am only 13, but I look at the whole thing as if it were to be a boy...I mean, it's not like I'm doing her? But me and Anissa are pretty much inseperable, and we have been since the day we met. I don't knoww...:/ @catloafwithpotato : My mom is controlling and weird too. Like, no exaggeration. She reads ALL my email, texts, everything like that and Ive never really been dishonest enough for her to be doing that, anbd she makes me tell her EVERYTHING. Idkk...:/ Life is confusingg.
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Re: Advice?

Post by Guest on Wed Jul 06, 2011 8:45 pm

Well, with you being 13 I can see how she would say you were too young. Boy or girl. I had my first boyfriend when I was 12 so I don't think it's too young.
Just try to talk to your mom. Don't sound accusing. Like what they said in the IcedCoffee say things like "I feel..." rather than "You are..." and let your mom explain herself as well.
You're mom also has to understand that 12/13 is the age when people start their first relationships and boy or no, that's not going to change.

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Re: Advice?

Post by mimi on Thu Jul 07, 2011 1:10 am

u know.. im probably not the best person to say what i think because ive just gotten over a terribly painful break up.
if my daughter or son would come up to me and say that she has a boy or a girlfriend at 13.. i wouldnt deny it BUT i would sit her down and talk to her/him. i dont understand why children who haven't experienced anything yet are thinking of getting into relationships.. why not just have FUN? because u have your whole life to think of someone as your heart and your life. when you're a child.. BE one. dont keep wanting to be older. enjoy! because u know what.. the REAL world.. is not as fun as it seems.

i was 17 when i had my first serious boyfriend and we broke up just after i turned 20. and i had changed so much during that time and i realised that i needed to find out who i was before id ever consider getting into another relationship.

get to know yourself! and then get to know others.

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Re: Advice?

Post by eMAYPsIlOnEeR on Thu Jul 07, 2011 3:16 am

From my point of view on those things I would say you should listen to your heart, but keep caring a bit for your mom. You shouldn't let her see you guys together as a couple, you shouldn't talk to her about it. Just leave her alone with it. She could have several reasons to react like she did. Maybe she thinks you are too young to have a girlfriend, it's nothing but a game (which it isn't after what you said you feel for her). Or she might think it is a phase you're going through liking another girl as a female or she can't accept it at all. Those are the reason I can think about. So you could either keep quiet about this topic to her or you could have a serious conversation on neutral ground with her about her reasons saying that so you can explain things and tell her about what you feel and maybe you can handle the whole thing so it's alright for you both. But remember, keep it peaceful ;D
Cheers ♥♥
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Re: Advice?

Post by catloafwithpotato on Thu Jul 07, 2011 5:17 pm

MoonchildSadie.(:ILU wrote:@catloafwithpotato : My mom is controlling and weird too. Like, no exaggeration. She reads ALL my email, texts, everything like that and Ive never really been dishonest enough for her to be doing that, anbd she makes me tell her EVERYTHING. Idkk...:/ Life is confusingg.
:/ That sucks. A lot. And can very damaging.. But anyway, it's got nothing to do with anything you've ever done, it's her own craziness. Please don't blame that on yourself. I wonder if that's something you could discuss with her because it will drive you apart. Crying or Very sad
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Re: Advice?

Post by MoonChildEve on Fri Jul 08, 2011 9:38 am

(This advice not be very helpful, seeing as I'm younger than you...hehe)
But, you're 13. You have so much time to discover whether you are into boys or girls or both. But maybe if you just stay friends and discuss whether you want to be together in a couple of years time. I believe it is sweet that you like(love?) someone but you need more time to discover yourself. Your mind has many secrets that you just haven't uncovered yet. Talk it over with your mom and Anissa. Maybe get them to both talk to each other. I don't know. Do what makes you, your mom and Anissa happy.
Smile
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Re: Advice?

Post by EetuJaKeijut on Fri Jul 08, 2011 10:22 am

I agree with everyone, you should talk about it seriosly with your mother. Your girlfriend is also your best friend so it's important that you get this worked out. I understand your mother if she is worried because of your age, if she is being homophobic then her opinion shouldn't hold value too great. So all i can say is talk to her.
Btw does Anissa's parents know?

Seriosly i might not be the best person to help you on this, i had my first bf when i was 6 so i can't see anything bad on dating when your 13 :'D

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Re: Advice?

Post by Guest on Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:41 am

Definitely sit down and talk to your mom about how you feel with it, this situation. I agree that you are still very young and have a lot of growing to do. Obviously there is nothing wrong with loving someone else, but at 13 you really don't know yourself yet.

I think also that with the way society is now, people is exposed to homosexuality more than ever. I had a best friend who is a girl, who I was ALWAYS around, and I couldn't imagine my life without her. We did EVERYTHING together and she was the only person I wanted to spend time with. At that time in history homosexuality was not very talk about and accepted in public so I was not expose to this. I can see now how if I grow up in a place and time that talk of homosexuality often how I might mistake my best friendship feeling for her as a homosexual love feeling, but it wasn't. So maybe this is how you feel with Anissa? I used to hug my best friend and kiss her in the cheek when I was younger but it was only for friendship because I had no real LOVE feeling. But like I said, since you are so expose to hearing of homosexuality maybe your emotions is confused.


sorry I hope that make sense and I am not trying to talk down to you and say you don't know because you are young, that is not my purpose. Smile


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Re: Advice?

Post by Pocketmouse on Fri Jul 08, 2011 2:21 pm

It might be a good idea to sit down with your Mom and talk about why she thinks you are not old enough to have a girlfriend. If it's really bad and the two of you can't talk about it without arguing or yelling at eachother, maybe get a mediator in; someone to keep the conversation moving and prevent arguements (you could even try going to see a family counselor just for a session to work things out).

However, I think it is really bad how she reads all your stuff, so it might be worth asking her why she does that as well and maybe ask for a little more privacy.

It may be that your Mom is just trying a little to hard to protect you.

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Re: Advice?

Post by Krissy on Fri Jul 08, 2011 2:54 pm

hmm. Has being a young adult. I think 13 is pretty young to start dating.You should just enjoy being young kid and having fun.At being 13 i can understand her checking your e-mails and text messages.Shes just doing her job making sure your safe online, .You should just sit down and talk with her.

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Re: Advice?

Post by Guest on Fri Jul 08, 2011 3:48 pm

I feel that right now you are at an age where you're still changing and discovering a lot about yourself. And your mom might just be afraid because her baby is starting to develop a life away from her and it's putting a strain on your relationship. I was allowed to date at 13 but I always tell people that I feel it was far too early, because I'm now a totally different person than I was at 13. I think your mother truly feels that you're just too young, and honestly that's understandable.

However, as long as she's cool with the fact that you are in a same-sex relationship, you could show her that you are mature enough to handle being in a relationship by asking to talk with her and discussing your emotions in a calm way. Tell her that you have very strong feelings for your best friend and you are at an age where you would like to explore those feelings. If she feels it is necessary to have others around when you hang out, then respect her wishes. Just try to reach some kind of compromise.

In accordance with what others have said, please don't focus so much on the commitment and love aspects of your relationship at your age because you are just so young. You are going to change. It's inevitable. So focus on having fun and enjoying the moments you spend with your partner instead of the whole 'falling deeply in love' soulmates kind of thing. At this point you're just experimenting and discovering yourself. Don't tie yourself down.

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Re: Advice?

Post by PoeticAbomination(: on Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:12 pm

Ministar wrote:I feel that right now you are at an age where you're still changing and discovering a lot about yourself. And your mom might just be afraid because her baby is starting to develop a life away from her and it's putting a strain on your relationship. I was allowed to date at 13 but I always tell people that I feel it was far too early, because I'm now a totally different person than I was at 13. I think your mother truly feels that you're just too young, and honestly that's understandable.

However, as long as she's cool with the fact that you are in a same-sex relationship, you could show her that you are mature enough to handle being in a relationship by asking to talk with her and discussing your emotions in a calm way. Tell her that you have very strong feelings for your best friend and you are at an age where you would like to explore those feelings. If she feels it is necessary to have others around when you hang out, then respect her wishes. Just try to reach some kind of compromise.

In accordance with what others have said, please don't focus so much on the commitment and love aspects of your relationship at your age because you are just so young. You are going to change. It's inevitable. So focus on having fun and enjoying the moments you spend with your partner instead of the whole 'falling deeply in love' soulmates kind of thing. At this point you're just experimenting and discovering yourself. Don't tie yourself down.

@Ministar I agree with you in every way, but my mom is extremely homophobic and controlling. She knows that i am in no way looking for an honestly serious relationship or anything, and obviously, so am I. I don't want anything serious, and I am just experimenting with different types of...well...everything. Ive never had sex and Im not really planning on it until I'm married, and my mom knows that too. I HAVE kissed both genders before, but my mom only knows that I kissed a guy? But yesterday was the first time I kissed a girl, and it was one of my best friends and it was when we got "married." You know, like now we're wifeys? My mom REALLY overreacted though. Because I could DEFINETLY see her, or anyone, freaking out because they would think that they somehow fucked up somewhere along the line with teaching their daughter, but my mom WAY overreacted. Now I'm not allowed to talk to my other best friend, Alicia, or any other girl for that matter, I'm not allowed on the computer AT ALL while at home, I am not allowed to talk one-on-one with my older sister (because my mom believes that she put me up to it), and I can't watch any movies even REFERENCING anything lesbian. (and I used to be able to watch whatever the hell I wanted) Soo..?

@catloafwithpotato My mom is bipolar with minor traces of paranoid schizophrenia, so she thinks that I am always up to something, and that also plays a HUGE role in her overreacting about Anissa, and, well everything else, too. It is also why she reads all of my...everything. It sounds like you are the only person who honestly understands what I'm going through, like with the over-protectiveness and everything. I WILL talk to my mom about that, though.

EVERYONE ELSE : I see where you are coming from, like how I'm too young to date and everything, and I agree for the most part, but I believe that at my age, I should be experimenting with different types of relationships and other stuff like that. If I don't experiment, I won't know who I am at the time that I should. So...I will deff. keep you posted. If you have anything else to say, PLEASE do. I will try to use all of your advice as best as I can. Thank you for all of the advice. It has been amazing! I love you guyss..(: <3
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Re: Advice?

Post by Krissy on Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:34 pm

i hope you can talk to your mother about this. maybe you guys can work something out.come to something you both agree on.good luck.maybe your mother allow you to do something like group dates.With friends..Just a idea i had.

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Re: Advice?

Post by catloafwithpotato on Fri Jul 08, 2011 6:21 pm

MoonchildSadie.(:ILU wrote:@catloafwithpotato My mom is bipolar with minor traces of paranoid schizophrenia, so she thinks that I am always up to something, and that also plays a HUGE role in her overreacting about Anissa, and, well everything else, too. It is also why she reads all of my...everything. It sounds like you are the only person who honestly understands what I'm going through, like with the over-protectiveness and everything. I WILL talk to my mom about that, though.
I'm sorry, MoonchildSadie. That must be very difficult for you. :/ Is she medicated? My mom has never been to see anyone about her mental state, so I'm not sure what is wrong with her, but I know something is. We don't have any relationship now. I couldn't take it anymore. I don't want you to get into that sort of situation. But I'm also a lot older than you are, so you have a lot longer to try to work things out with yours. I love you
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Re: Advice?

Post by PoeticAbomination(: on Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:06 pm

She is medicated, but she has even said that she knows the medications aren't working.
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